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Monday, February 21, 2011

Uber Frustration

I spent the last three days watching what I eat HARD core. NO snacks, no cheats, no meals. Lots of water. I felt like I was starving myself (mentally) but felt good phsyically. I did not however work out, as time did not allow. I weigh in every morning as a way to "monitor" my previous days intakes. And every morning this weekend the scale said "WAY TO GO" and "Your doing GREAT". Then this morning came, and I was up 3 lbs? How can that happen? I can account for about 1lb possibly and I'm going to be kinda and not tell you how. But the other two...thats just frustrating. It makes you not want to continue.

I'm really just angry at myself. Why i let myself put that 20lbs back on between last June and this October. It would have been so much easier to MAINTAIN then to lose again. I looked damn good. I want to look damn good again. How can 20lbs make that much different, I dont know, but do you know 20lbs is almost 3-4 pants sizes?!!? THAT is gross. I want my size 6 back. Most days I'm a 10. But this weekend I had to put on a 12 (on Friday) and that is when I the moment I started to behave. I disgust myself. I know as far as others see me I'm not obese, but that doesnt make me any less disappointed in myself. I have to keep on, but when the scale makes me sad i want to EAT. :-(

Please lord jesus, give me the strength. I want and need to love myself like i did last year. I promise never to give in to the eggs again! (Jesus, lets be clear here, I will eat them, i just wont eat 12 a day). Thank you Jesus.

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Zumba

Today I am going to try Zumba.

Oh wait. Today i WAS going to try Zumba.

The damn snow storm went and got the class cancelled. So if I can fit it into my schedule on Tuesday then I'll do it then, if not, I'll wait till next Sunday.

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Counting down

I"m getting nervous. This gets harder every time.

In a month I weigh in for our final weigh in. I just want to have lost 10 lbs. Thats all I'm aiming for, but more would be great!

In 4 months is the wedding. I am stressing about the dress size. It would help if the bride would bring my dress to me instead of holding it hostage so that I can see how much I have to work to make it work!

I dont like pressure, it makes me want to eat, or crawl in my bed and hide. Neither of those things are going to help!

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

WEEK 4

is kicking my butt!!! I'm having sooo much trouble with the last 5 minute run! I feel like I'll die. I have no idea why its so hard. Last week was so easy.

I'm also gaining muscle and thus NOT making my scale move. So frustrating :-(

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