Uber Frustration

I spent the last three days watching what I eat HARD core. NO snacks, no cheats, no meals. Lots of water. I felt like I was starving myself (mentally) but felt good phsyically. I did not however work out, as time did not allow. I weigh in every morning as a way to "monitor" my previous days intakes. And every morning this weekend the scale said "WAY TO GO" and "Your doing GREAT". Then this morning came, and I was up 3 lbs? How can that happen? I can account for about 1lb possibly and I'm going to be kinda and not tell you how. But the other two...thats just frustrating. It makes you not want to continue.

I'm really just angry at myself. Why i let myself put that 20lbs back on between last June and this October. It would have been so much easier to MAINTAIN then to lose again. I looked damn good. I want to look damn good again. How can 20lbs make that much different, I dont know, but do you know 20lbs is almost 3-4 pants sizes?!!? THAT is gross. I want my size 6 back. Most days I'm a 10. But this weekend I had to put on a 12 (on Friday) and that is when I the moment I started to behave. I disgust myself. I know as far as others see me I'm not obese, but that doesnt make me any less disappointed in myself. I have to keep on, but when the scale makes me sad i want to EAT. :-(

Please lord jesus, give me the strength. I want and need to love myself like i did last year. I promise never to give in to the eggs again! (Jesus, lets be clear here, I will eat them, i just wont eat 12 a day). Thank you Jesus.